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[quote=Anonymous]OP, until you said that your husband is often the preferred parent I was thinking your situation was more similar to mine, which was that I had been the primary caregiver for my oldest and my husband said, "If you want another one" when I wanted a second baby. So, he wasn't gung ho, but was not opposed.  I think now he would tell you how much he loves them both.

BUT - I went into that 2nd pregnancy knowing I would still be the primary caregiver and I was.  My husband is now good about carting the kids (12 and 8) to activities and hanging out with them, but he's not going to set up a board game and play with them.

Flip side - my brother has two kids - also almost 4 years apart, and while I know he loves the 2nd one, he and his wife had the same conversation you are having.  My brother is an extremely attentive parent - almost to a fault - and he was tired.  Add in no. 2, who did not sleep, like at all, and all that went with it and the marriage is strained.  It's strained for other reasons than just that, but part of it is definitely my SIL really pushing for a 2nd kid that he just wasn't totally on board with.

Again, I don't think he regrets the 2nd child in the least (it doesn't usually work that way) but it's worth evaluating where you are as a couple before moving forward.

I have a work friend that has one daughter- and their family life seems really nice.  The three of them pick up and go off to NYC for a day. He's very attuned to what's going on with his daughter.  I'm not saying you can't have that with two, but with their one they seem a really close-knit bunch.

Good luck.[/quote]

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