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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do not get worked up.  She brings up a topic you've already made clear is off limits or you feel is inappropriate, say, "mom, I do not want to discuss that." If she keeps going, again, firm but neutral voice (NOT angry/worked up), "mom, I said we are not discussing that." If she keeps going, "mom, I'd live to talk to you about other issues, but since that isn't possible right now*, I am going to hang up.  I love you and will talk to you again soon." Then hang up.

*not "because you can't do that right now" (firm, neutral, no blame)

Repeat as necessary.  Key takeaways:  do not become angry (you control your reaction to her, she does not control you), and disengage when necessary.[/quote]

This id really good. And I'll add that you have to give up on making her understand where you are coming from. Just give it up. Let it go. There is no magical combination of words that -- if you try hard enough, and find it -- will get her to understand and agree with you on any of this. I'm not talking about the politics, but that this pattern of interaction is unhealthy.

You can't convince her, but you can set clear boundaries. It will be painful and weird for awhile, but it will eventually become the new normal. If you are consistent every time with the boundaries, it will get better. [/quote]

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