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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She may have a personality disorder.  Google borderline personality disorder and see if the description rings true at all.  Either way, it's on you to not get sucked into the conversation.  Just repeat "mom, I'm not talking about this" until she stops, and if she won't stop, hang up the phone or leave the room.  You have some power here, use it.  [/quote]

We have long thought she is borderline. But like I said, she (and we as a family) has also experienced a lot of real tragedy, some related to that but a lot really not at all. So it is difficult to really cut her off because she has legitimate not manufactured issues and needs. I am very aware of the difference between the real issues and the manufactured ones.

I feel like as soon as I have mastered the walk away/redirect with one hot topic that is when she picks the new one. I am perfectly non reactive about my dad and my sister now, so then it's something new. She finds so much joy in her grandchildren, I WANT to provide her with opportunities to see them. I wish she could just hang out with them and not me.

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OMG OP are you me?  So many of these facts are similar, other than the religious angle and family tradegy.  By the way, during the shutdown I got a constant barrage of texts and calls from mom asking me how I’m enjoying my cushy vacation, even though hubby and I were both furloughed and it hadn’t been clear at that point we’d be paid back.  I have long suspected BPD with my mom too.  She also repeats herself, like al lot and has for a s long as I can remember.  She’s not dumb at all, but she repeats things even though she’know she’s doing it— it’s like a verbal tic.  My husband the other day asked if she was experiencing mental decline (in her 70s) and I had to say not at all.  To be honest, our relationships centers completely around my kids, and I’m fine with that. I don’t love talking about winter boot sizes and clothing she’s bought for my kids for so long , but I’d rather do that than talk about any number of things with her, including her politics.   When we find ourselves alone, I redirect the convo to kids.  My dad is still alive and very much a companion for her, so at this point at least I don’t feel bad about shutting her out of having a separate non-grandchild centric relationship with me.  I have little desire for a separate relationship but want her to be able to be involved with my kids, who she adores and who adore her.  I feel guilty but when I see her I just feel anxious and annoyed and GUILTY for feeling these things and for feeling little compassion.   But yeah she’s a trumpeter who is very much buying into all the racism and xenophobia and she’s disgusted by democrats and Hilary and it’s so hard to listen to.   I always get comments about “my people” the dems when I’m not super political just can’t stand the trump stuff and can’t stand patriarchy.  Rant over![/quote]

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