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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... and wow, can I just say this is so much easier than life at home with 3 kids under 5? Time to actually accomplish something without kid interruptions, time to have coffee and chat it’s other adults... it’s mindblowing after years at home with little ones. I’m in a good place with my FT job, it’s decently challenging and interesting  but no crazy hours.

Kids are all in care that I’m comfortable with and they seem happy.

My problem... the guilt! Anyone else feel this way? Like I should be home with them instead of working at a job that admittedly doesn’t bring in much $ after care for kid is paid. I feel guilty for “dumping “ them in care full time. But I am happier and more relaxed and fulfilled. But feeling guilty. Thoughts? Commiseration? Does the guilt subsid?[/quote]

(hugs) There is no easy choice.

We did not decide if I was going to go back to work or stay at home until after DS was born. We put him in child care at 3 months, I went back to work, and never looked back. I would have been fine if I stayed at home but I have never regretted my decision, for all the reasons you mention in your first paragraph.

I will say that it got even easier when he started school and so he was suppose to be some place for 8 hours a day and we saved the day care money. I wouldn't say I felt guilty for working but I did feel some pressure to get him from day care as soon as possible so I could spend more time with him. Then he got old enough to tell me he didn't want to leave day care, the toys and centers and his friends and story time, and I started going to the gym before picking him up.

Here are the pros to your working, the money you are bringing in. You don't see as much of it now, because you are paying for child care for three. But you are back at work, meaning you will be getting, hopefully, cost of living increases and maybe pay raises. The extra years of that will lead to more overall earnings throughout your career, gaining your hundreds of thousands of dollars (potentially, it depends on the job).

Once your kids start school you can take some of that saved day care money and put it into college funds (we set aside 50% of the day care savings into DS college funds) and the rest into retirement funds or vacation funds or rainy day funds. You will be actively helping to maintain your families financial stability.

You are challenging yourself mentally each day at work. The adult conversation and the work provide a different type of stimulation then you get at home with 3 kids. It might not be better, but it is different and I know I appreciated it.

There are pros and cons to any decision. You said your kids seem to be happy at day care. If you have selected one you are comfortable with and they are getting good attention and socialization then they are fine. They know you love them and they will be ready for school because they will be used to a school like routine.

But, if you are questioning your choice and you think you would be better off at home, that is fine. If it is something that your family can afford and you feel it is better for you, the stay at home. Stay at home moms work their butts off. It is not an easy jobs.

But if you do stay at home, please don't tell me I don't love my kid because I want/need to work. We all need to respect each others decisions and support each other.[/quote]

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