Reply to My children (adopted) said that we weren't a real family

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you’re a great mom and your kids are in good hands with you. You might characterize me as an anti-adoption person because I have posted here before recommending the term “first mother” for your kids’ genetic/gestational/birth mother, which your son called “real”.  Maybe he just doesn’t have another term that means that kind of “real” to him yet?  Maybe try “first”? That would acknowledge the significance of his other mother and what I think the sense of loss he was expressing in the car is.

But to affirm you as his mother, remember The Velveteen Rabbit?  You are REAL.  Look how much you love your sons and how their hurt, like the the loss your son feels about his other mother, also hurts you.  But you took that hurt, like that beloved stuffed animal got rubbed smooth and worn down and loose buttons.

You are the mother who gets the everyday abrasions of a kid who doesn’t know he’s hurting you, because he’s so close to you and he can be honest with you even about something that hurts you.  You have created that trust.  You are real.  Love has made you real.  Maybe read that book together?

Kudos to you for loving these boys so well.   [/quote]

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