Reply to Any opinions about adoption with biological children?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband was/is adopted, and has 3 younger siblings who are biological children of his parents.  He was from China, so he is also a different race than his brothers and sister (who are Caucasian).

My sense from his experience, is that his siblings view him no differently from each other.  They're all very close.  I think his younger brothers look up to him, and really are "blind" to his adopted status, and different race.  To them, he is just their big brother.  I think this is in part because he was FIRST... so they have never known life without him.

His parents are loving and wonderful people, but I'm not sure that in his heart of hearts, that he really believes that his parents feel the same way about him as they do their biological children.  How much of that is him, and how much of that is caused by what I would think would be a natural insecurity of adopted children to wonder if their parents really love them "the same"... I don't know.

I think YOUR thoughts and feelings SHOULD be the primary motivation to adopt (or not adopt) another child (and it sounds like they are).  The fact that you recognize that there is a need in this regard makes you smart, and charitable... but it doesn't necessarily change your motivation.

As for adopting a younger v. older child...  this is purely my own speculation... but here it is...  I think adopting an older child (one that changes the "birth order" for your existing children) would be a difficult situation.  I think that would be much more likely to upset and confuse your existing children.

Adopting a younger child (whether a baby, or toddler) is more likely to fit into your family in a more seamless way.  I do wonder, however, how the biological children feel when their Mom goes out and "gets" a new baby/child that they pick out?  I'm sure people do this all the time, and it is an obstacle that can be overcome... especially with young kids.  But, just trying to put myself in the shoes of your existing children, how would I feel if you came home with a new baby?  Maybe its no different than coming home with a new biological baby?  Or does it make the children feel less valued/loved because Mommy went out and "picked" a new baby (and that new baby doesn't look anything like them?).

I'm sure you've already thought about this, and I suspect there are better resources out there.   As a general rule, however, I think children are most flexible when they are littlest, and get progressively less flexible as they get older.  It sounds like your kids are still pretty young.  I think if you want more children, and have it in your heart to adopt, you should go for it.  Good luck with your decision.[/quote]

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