Reply to Keeping the "emotional connection" with DW after three kids and two professional carrers.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Great to hear you are taking the initiative on your marriage.  With marriage and kids, it is just normal for this to happen but there is the danger that two people start to take each other for granted. When that happens, one or both begin to feel ignored and dissatisfied.  The "emotional connection" is important to maintain the intimacy and the reason of maintaining the love between you and your spouse.  People might disagree but the couple relationship needs to be placed first before the kids.  If there is a problem between the couple, that can lead to separation or worst, divorce.

Talk to your DW and see if she is opened to marital counseling.  And yes, take care out for the weekend and leave the kids.  [/quote]

F marital counseling. You don't need it and it's just one more thing on your plate.

Remember some of the best times you had or some of the dreams you had about places you'd go when you had the money? Now is that time. Honeymooned in the islands? Time to go back. Used to spend time on the slopes and then warm each other up at night, Aspen, Vail, Tahoe are all gorgeous and romantic. Go! Whatever it is, plan it and do it. This is not a weekend trip, this is at least a week. Pick a week where the kids might be easy. Maybe only one of them has an after school activity. Make sure they are in school, so whoever is watching them, just has to wake them, feed them and get them out the door and then feed them and ask them about their homework being done when they get home. Hopefully have a limited activity weekend and maybe arrange rides with a close friend's parents for each child promising to return the favor.

Hopefully you or she has a parent or parents still around that might be retired and looking for the opportunity to spend time with their grandchildren. If not, maybe another relative you trust. If that's still a no, then you can always find a trustworthy babysitter. Maybe someone who is in college but still living at home. There are options out there. Incentivize your kids behavior while you are gone. Have they been asking for a pet? This is the perfect test: You have a week to prove how responsible you are without me here. If you can do your homework and chores while I'm gone then we will be more confident you can handle the responsibilities of a pet. Encourage them to work together and to help.

The first trip might not be perfect but when you return and it's discovered that the world didn't end and that your kids survived. The next one will allow her and you to relax more. Do this annually. 2x a year if you can afford it.

Marriage is a marathon and there are uphill and downhill portions. Right now, you are battling a hill but the good news is you trained well and you will survive it. You just need to push through.

Pretty soon, your bladder will be waking you in the middle of the night and you will discover "wake up sex". When you return to bed you snuggle up and say you got cold and she's so warm --- sorry I woke you. Oh, will you look who else woke up....

In the words of the late great Warren Zevon: I'll sleep when I'm dead.[/quote]

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