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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nanny was trying to fill kids days with activities. 12 year old chose the first and younger sibling chose the second. 12 year old not happy with the second activity had an attitude all day and proceeded to ignore babysitter and her requests, be rude and disrespectful. 12 year old also tripped and shoved younger sibling. After being reprimanded and told by the nanny that electronics would be banned for the week, 12 year old slaps nanny in the face. Nanny says do not do that. 12 year old slaps her again. Worth to mention that 12 year old is on the very functional end of the autism spectrum, has ADHD and anxiety/depression (is being treated for all the above).

Please don’t be rude with your answers, I’d rather you not answer at all if that’s where you’re going to take it. This is a delicate situation and I just want to get some different perspectives and see how other people would (or think they would) react. [/quote]

Yeah- I think your DS (assuming DS, maybe wrong) has the trifecta of issues right now- ASD, ADHD, anxiety/depression + hormonal changes that would cause a serious outburst. None of this is intended to criticize your nanny, but what did she do to diffuse this situation? I can usually see when my ADHD/anxiety kid is ramping up- when I'm on my game, I try to calm things down. It doesn't mean that I'm not planning to dole out consequences, but timing is everything.

When your DS tripped younger sibling after a day of bad attitude- that was a red flag that he was building up to an outburst. Taking a valuable privilege right at that moment, contributed to the aggression. (yes, electronics needed to go for the rest of the week- but bad timing)

Does this mean that I'm not in favor of consequences or that I don't sympathize with your nanny? Not at all-- but I agree that the relationship may not work out, and I think you need someone who understands how to prevent these occurrences. The problem with aggression--is that it begets more aggression. It needs to be stopped- both with a sensible consequences, a little fear (I've flat out told my DS that if he hits me after a certain age, I'm calling the cops- maybe I will, maybe I won't but he believes me), and a caregiver with specialized training.

Please don't take this that I don't believe your DS isn't accountable- but he has some "stuff" going on- so does my DS, and they are both twelve which is just magnifying things. [/quote]

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