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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP.  Thank you for being so considerate here. My parents divorced and both remarried when I was a young teen.  And holidays were so hard.  My extended step families were nice, and meant well.  But it was never really clear how my sister and I fit in and what our role was. And it was hard to be away from the non-custodial parent.

I am not great at tracing family relationships. But your BILs stepkids would be your step niece and step nephew?  I would encourage you to drop the “step,” and treat them like a niece and nephew. Full stop.  Don’t make the distinction, unless they waaamt too. Introduce them as your niece and nephew unless it makes them uncomfortable. Assume that relationship in deciding how much to spend on a gift, and what to buy.  If you aren’t sure where you fit into a family, being given a secure place and a clear role matters a lot.

And  10 years from now, one of these kids might have a new baby that your BIL views as a full grandchild. And it may mean the world to your BIL and his wife that they get to see their grandchild over Christmas.  And that wont happen if these kids never really integrated into your larger family, and we’re always the odd people out. [/quote]

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