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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "If your marriage survived infidelity "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wife cheated. I waited til last child reached 18. I had a prenup, handed her papers after youngest’s 18th birthday and graduation from school. She was open mouthed, didn’t want to D. I said too bad, move. I had signed D decree 6 months later. I feel great. Kids live with me.[/quote] How long was the time between you discovered the affair and your youngest turned 18? I don’t have a prenup but I am considering leaving after our youngest enters college. [/quote] Be aware that although the kids are out of the house, and feels like it's finally safe to exit, that particular timing can be hard on them. It can make them feel like the family life was a lie, and that they're responsible in some way for keeping the parents in an unhappy marriage. [/quote] It's actually a really crappy thing to do to college kids. They feel that their entire life was based on a lie. [/quote] It’s crappy. My mom divorced my dad, had planned it for years. He had an affair when I was 10. The affair was short-lived. Then he became a doting husband, and my mom “forgave” him. Now, I actually consider hers the worse betrayal. She lived a lie for 8 years, and also had myself and my older sister -as well Dad and our extended family believing her. She taught me that people don’t really forgive, and that it’s okay to use people. This wasn’t about what was best for the kids. This was about how she could best stick it to her husband. It’s been ten years since the divorce, and my sister and I don’t have much to do with her. I prefer to have people in my life who don’t lie to me for years.[/quote] What exactly did she lie to you about? To her husband, yes. My mother did the same thing but that was her marriage and has nothing to do with my sister and I. She did what she thought was best for us and I accept that. She really didn’t gain anything in the end. It was time lost she could have spent more happy with someone else or alone. In her case it was a very selfless act. [/quote]
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