Reply to 16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time

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Reply to "16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time - rules and expectations?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I have a 15 yo step-son who mostly lives with his mom during the school year (she moved 1 hr away so we see him every other weekend) and then for a longer period over the summer. We also have younger siblings in the house.

A lot of the PPs have given you good advice on a teenager in terms of needing to set expectations with consequences, rather than rules. I am a stricter parent than my DH (and my step-son's mother), so I have learned to let a lot of things go over the years. At 15, my step-son is almost entirely in charge of his own schedule, but we have expectations that we have made clear to him. For example:

-he can go to bed whenever he likes, but he needs to be up and at breakfast at 9 AM the next morning - if he can't get himself up, then we will re-visit having a bedtime (he always gets himself up)
-he eats meals when the family eats meals 
-he needs to do basic picking up after himself (pick up dirty clothes, make bed, etc) 
-he needs to speak respectfully to all adults (and siblings)
-no overnight electronics/screens in the bedroom
-if he exercised that day, he needs to shower before bed

There may be a few more, but that is mostly it - I have let go of any expectations that he will help out with his siblings or with other chores/housework or about any limits on screen time. To be honest, these even the expectations listed here are mostly driven by me - my DH grew up with parents who didn't care about anything as long as he got good grades, so we really do come at parenting different angles.

I love my step-son to bits (we have been in each other's lives more more than 10 years), and when I am frustrated with his behavior, I remind myself that he is a great kid, very bright, and he will mature at his own pace. [/quote]

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