Reply to 16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time

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Reply to "16YO step-DD coming to live with us full time - rules and expectations?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Include her in creating the rules. Don't say "no" right off the bat even if her ideas seem loony to you -- say, "I'll think about it," and then come back later with why the answer is no (or better, an alternative that will work for you). If she feels like people actually see and hear her, she will be much more likely to buy in to the household.[/quote]

This.  She's 16, not 6.  Presenting her with a list of rules is not setting a good tone. Treat her like what she is--someone nearing adulthood, who can reasonably be expected to help around the house and demonstrate respect for other household members.  Things to consider:

Will she do her own laundry?  If not, what are reasonable rules?  (Example: Laundry is on Sunday, and you will wash anything that's in her hamper.)
What chores will she do around the house?  Do those need to be done on a certain day or time, or can she decide when to do them so long as they are done daily/weekly/as needed?
Does she have a curfew?  Are there activities she can do without asking permission?  How much communication and information do you need from her when she's out?  
What about having friends over?  Does she need to ask?  All the time?  Sometimes?
Spending--what will you pay for?  What is she responsible for paying for?  Does she get an allowance, and is it enough to cover the things you expect her to pay for?  Is she expected to get a job?  [/quote]

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