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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]UGH! I have "friends" like you who are all caught up in keeping score of how good a friend I am by how many times I call, what things I invite them too, who many times I email, etc. It's so tiresome and not something at my age I am interested in. When I get friends complaning about this, I do tend to drop them.

Friendships are not as instant or as intense as they were back when we were in school (college, grad school, etc) and it takes time for them to develop.  [/quote]

OP here and I never, never keep 'score' of how 'good' my friends are.  Those who live in glass houses can't throw stones, you know.  Not sure how you got that from my post.  I do realize it takes time and also that I need to make the first move.  Loads of time is not something I have right now, like lots of my mom friends.  So I do feel like I"m imposing if I call too much or take too much of my friend's time, even talking about 'light' stuff.  Also, b/c I don't feel like I have the foundation laid, I feel like it may be inappropriate to divulge something 'deeper' that may overstep the boundaries and also, by the very nature of the topic, take a lot of time to discuss.  [/quote]

OP- when I said "it takes time for them to develop" exactly how much time did you think I meant? Because it can take a year or more depending on the person and the number of times you see someone. If you start now making some casual friends and stick with the friendships in a few years you are likely to have those deeper relationships you are looking for.[/quote]

Agree.

I'm a poster who has only 2 deep friendships, one of which is mom I met at my son's daycare 4 years ago. It started that we never said a word, other than grunting out a hi, then moved to small talk, then to standing in the parking lot for 30min talking, then "hey lets get the kids together", then couples dinners (it helps that our husbands get along), then a family vacation, now we talk on the phone just about every day. This whole progression took 4 years to get to where we are now.  OP, you might have though our relationship was superficial and it was for well over a year, but we grew closer and closer as time went on.

Our friendship works because we are both busy working moms.  We can go weeks without talking and then talk everyday for 2 weeks straight.  We don't make heavy demands on each other's time because we don't have much extra time to spare.  What makes us click is we have the same sense of humor, the same sharp edges.  We both are driven to succeed, and don't wrap our identities into our husbands (as many women do, which can be very annoying) we both are independant and self made.  We both come from f'ed up families and when you can relate about that, that tends to bind you close.

With that said, you cannot force friendships, it is about having that moment that you click, it is a lot like dating, you just have to feel it, and it takes a long time to find "the one".[/quote]

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