Reply to How do you make a super smart kid actually care about grades and school?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Boy age 13. Just does not see the purpose in school and does not care that he’s failing.  Completely impatient with it.  Incentives don’t work. Punishment doesn’t work.   He politely just refuses or doesn’t participate in school projects.  Yes I know there’s a group of people here who just say take away all electronics and punish him till he complies but that just doesn’t work for this kid.  Some depression going on but it’s medicated. He just doesn’t care about  School but continues to do very well on standardized testing but grades are nearly failing in all subjects.  Can’t imagine how this is going to play out when we move to high school next year.  It’s been a full year with this attitude so it’s not just a passing phase. And seems to be getting more entrenched. Any advice? [/quote]

Your DS's medication is probably helping with depression and also decreasing motivation. Combine that with hormonal quicksand of MS age, and "Bob's your uncle." I would talk first with your DS's psychiatrist about the meds and what to expect.

Keep in mind that "not caring about school" is common with MS boys- at least it is with mine, and my friends have complained too. My DS was 50/50 weight/height last year to to 32/75 this year. He has almost a completely different body and still changing rapidly. Good for you to keep extrinsic rewards and punishment out of play- there is increasing evidence that it damages intrinsic motivation long term.

Finally, no work and doing well on standardized testing indicates a lack of challenge (previously mentioned). My DS is placing top of his grade in a district math competition and just failed a math test. He's verbalized that he finds his math class to be mind numbing-- he didn't even bother reading directions for the test. Missed every question- frustrating. [/quote]

+1 to this PP and all the points PP mentions.

Also, OP: You say your son just flatly refuses to do projects etc. Do you think this could turn into what I've seen called "school refusal" where a kid starts refusing to leave to go to school at all? Depression can lead to school refusal in some kids (look up DCUM threads on the, especially in the SN forum).

So he may not have the depression as under control as it seems. Does his doctor know about the specific issues? Does the doctor know about the general motivation only or have you told the doctor specifics such as the refusal to do projects? Is he leery of group work but might do even a minimal something if he could do it solo? Does he make a bit of effort in a class when he finds some particular topic or assignment interesting, but then goes back to refusing to do any work as soon as that topic or assignment is done? Is he failing all classes or only certain ones? I'd break down the school issues in detail like that to see if there's a pattern that's not yet obvious. And I'd want his doctor (does he get talk therapy or behavioral therapy or--?) to be delving into this with him.

Regular MS kid lack of motivation ideas may not apply if his depression is a larger factor in this problem than it may seem to be.

Is there an adult who is not a parent or doctor but who is a person he really respect and likes and would take seriously if that adult talks to him? [/quote]

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