Reply to My dd goes to Stanford, she is a freshman and not loving it. She got it on her music merits

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]&lt;&lt;My family is Indian (South Asian) and my parents would have been very angry if I made it to Stanford and didn't choose to go.&gt;&gt;

I wonder how many years and how much therapy it will take for you to figure out that you should make your own decisions. You are not living for your parents, nor should they live through you.

This will come up again and again. What job is good enough for them, what spouse is good enough for them?

I understand that many Asian cultures PUSH this narrative, but I believe that it is not healthy for children.  One of my DC's Indian friends said his parents told him that his goal should be to get a higher SAT score than any of his friends. That child felt a scary amount of pressure. Even though he was a wonderful child and student, he experienced extreme shame when he did not get into the parents' first choice school. I can only hope he (and you) wriggle out of their spell before too much of your life has gone by. [/quote]

I know an Asian kid who turned down Stanford - kid was turned off during visiting day. Host didn’t bother to show up, school administrators didn’t step in, kid plus a few others whose hosts didn’t bother showing up had to sleep on floor by entrance to dorm rooms where other students just stepped over them and no one offered to help, found the current students too focused on making money, etc. [/quote]

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