Reply to Husband needs to be better father - how to articulate, or maybe I shouldn't?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- thanks for the replies. I was expecting some people to come down on me. I had a really special family and fairytale childhood, so I think my standards are too high. To answer some questions from above...

He was not an only child.
His father was absent from his life. 
This is about his emotional bonding with his kids and not about sharing the load of household duties. 
Perhaps he is a normal guy, as some have expressed, so maybe I should adjust my expectations. My experience with my own father, grandfather and uncles is not that they were just “normal guys” who got a pass from going above and beyond as fathers. 
I do not want my husband to be my father. I was comparing his actions to those of my father because that’s my only point of reference for fathering. And my father was a great one. Nothing wrong with that. 
I am not a SAHM, but I do put a lot of effort into parenting. I only get them for about 18 years. Why wouldn’t I put my all into it?
[/quote]

OP, I don't think what you're expecting is unreasonable. I'll caveat that by saying I don't have kids, nor do I want them (I am married though). But I grew up with a father like this and sadly we have had a very tumultuous relationship and for the last 10 years, we do nothing more than exchange small talk at holidays. My grandmother, his mother, chastises me, saying "your father was always around, he kept a roof over your head, food on the table, what more could you want?" But he was only "there" physically. I never felt like he cared about me or about what I was doing or what I was interested in. I saw the same patterns in his treatment of my younger half brothers years later and it was so sad to watch. So, for everyone saying this is just how fathers are, just know that being accepting of this behavior can be truly detrimental to your children.  [/quote]

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