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[quote=Anonymous]I have 14 and 12 year old girls. We are very close.

I disagree with the poster about playing  it cool. I am not cool about things. I am hardcore about trying your best at school, respecting adults, being kind and being honest. That may seem like it might cause distance, but what does is provide stability.  My kids know where they stand.  They also get positive feedback from teachers and friends,  so they see these are not just arbitrary rules.

I am also very open and honest about the mistakes I've made and my flaws. I apologize if I overreact. I don't act like I'm perfect.

My kids know I have their back. If there is some issue with a friend or a teacher or a school,  I believe them. (Though,  sometimes this is about perspective, and if that's the case, we work on viewing it differently together). But, my kids know I believe them and believe in them. (I don't hesitate to compliment them when they do something well).

I totally agree about getting to know their friends.  I teach arts related classes and have a good rapport with kids. I use a lot of humor, often self deprecating when it comes to coolness.  I know I'm old. I do the same with my kids' friends. I make a point of talking to them person to person.  My kids have really nice friends.  They even tell me that their friends think I'm cool -- what?!?!

My kids and I talk about everything.  I try to listen and make them feel heard, even when we disagree.  We talk about their friends. We talk about hard stuff and boring stuff. We talk about politics,  math and the arts.

My relationship with my mom was very traditional.  She was old school,  and I hid stuff from her because she wouldn't understand.  She never complimented me and always took the other side in a conflict (I huess her thought was that she could only fix me). I stopped bringing problems to her, didn't confide in her,  and lued to her. I don't want that with my kids.  I prize honesty and openness.  I let them know that I might be mad, but I will always live them, and we will figure it out together.  (And,  I add that I will be madder if they keep things from me or lie to me. They already think I'm kind of in the psychic friends network because I read the so well!!)

I wish you the best, OP.  I hope we both continue to have great relationships with our kids.[/quote]

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