Reply to DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins

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Reply to "DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins - how to steer her to others?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thanks - to clarify, my DD isn’t happy being on the periphery and is constantly disapointed in these girls and upset that they don’t invite her to things outside of school. She keeps hoping for a deeper level friendship with one or more of these girls and keeps getting the same result.  DD ends up not valuing girls who so treat her well and want to hang out with her because she’s so focused on these other ones.

But wI get it - can’t over do anything but surely there is some  way to help her realize a that a good friendship wouldn’t leave her feeling this way before her self esteem is really crushed. [/quote]

You know what?

It is much healthier and safer for her to be on the edges with the "popular" and "cool" kids than it is for her to be part of her group.

What usually makes a group popular or cool in middle school is that they engage in a lot more riskier behaviors (sex experimentation, alcohol consumption, drug use, mean behavior and riskier online behavior) than a responsible parent is usually comfortable with.

Being on the fringes means she has a group to sit with at lunch or the game, but she won't be invited to the party or to Regina's House.  That is a huge blessing.

Comfort her without pushing or pulling her in any one direction. Get her involved in activities with healthier kids.  Give her time to mature so she can see that the kids who are peaking in middle or high school are probably not the group for her.  Things shuffle around socially in 2nd semester of middle school. Maybe she will start to find a better crowd then. [/quote]

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