Reply to DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins

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Reply to "DD is trying to hang out with a cool crowd where she is on the margins - how to steer her to others?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know -- if it were me I'd leave it alone and let her figure it out herself.  She probably already knows the score.  I still remember a conversation that my mother had with me when I was a freshman in high school.  I was a super nerd with only a few acquaintances I'd eat lunch with -- no real high school friends.  My mother "helpfully" pointed out that I seemed to have no friends and what was I gonna do about it.  Uh, yeah mom -- I already know I have no friends.  Thanks for rubbing it in.

I'd leave it.[/quote]

+1 I think it's fine to suggest activities that might help her meet new people, but remember that the only thing worse than wanting to be one of the cool kids and failing, is having your mom point out that you want to be one of the cool kids but you're failing.[/quote]

another pp here- I was also a super nerd in middle and high school. What helps *a lot* is a comforting home life without drama. I had a pretty bad home life and I remember thinking that I could manage better if I could come home to a warm, safe space where I could just hang out in my room or watch tv or eat good food. That sounds so basic, but just being a loving mom- listening without judgement or unsolicited advice will help (and probably does help) your DD more than you realize. I know with my own son that if I started a conversation about his lack of friends, he would feel humiliated- probably better to let your DD bring it up and then listen while saying as little as possible. 
Everyone has suggested out of school activities/hobbies and I agree that it's a good way to get your DD to think about who *she* is. [/quote]

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