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[quote=Anonymous]OP, most people I know who seem to have healthy marriages and healthy, happy DS (and I get you never really know from the outside), find a way for both parents to be very involved with their kids activities (ie both of them sitting on the travel soccer field, or going to football games together to watch the band march, plus volunteering to be a part of the activity (snack mom, chaperone, etc). They also regularly go out together with pout their kids— maybe once a month with little ones, and several times a month with teens, and both partners have a “hobby”— book club, bunco group, regular runners, people who go to the gym, a guy who still rows from his college days, girls/boys night out.

You can be there for your kids and and have couple time, and still do something for yourself.  You just need to be flexible, especially as kids activities grow. And realize a monthly date night is ideal, but you might have to skip it, and miss a bunco night and s less time with friends I’d your spouse has to travel for work or you are in the middle of travel soccer season.

1. Say yes to reasonable requests (that do not interfere with other things on the calender or must get done now) without resentment.
2. Ask for what you need to be happy and recharge without feeling guilty. 
3.  Prepare to be flexible as the needs of your husband and kids change.
4.  Don’t feel guilty about asking your family to be flexible when you need them to be. 
5.  Don’t keep score. Don’t count hours away from the family.  Instead, ask if you and DH are getting what you need, while still being be present and engaging with the kids and each other. [/quote]

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