Reply to How much hobby time is fair?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How much hobby time is fair? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP. I’ve been married 20 years and have a 14 and 16 year old (HS freshman and junior).  And I WOH (as does DH) so I get young kids/ time is tight. So things you need to realize:

Hobbies and taking a break from being at home are how people cope with a stressful job plus the stress of a young child. People who take breaks and take care of themselves are able to be better parents, spouses and employees.

Families go through stages. Newlyweds are often joined at the hip.   If you have a kid who is not in ES, and is home 24/7, realize that ES is about running kids to soccer practice, and sitting through Saturday morning soccer games, and later maybe a serious travel sport, music lessons, swimming lessons, hosting their friends, having your kid at other people’s houses.  And by MS  if your kid has an activity they are serious about, it takes a lot of their time and homework demands creep up, and they spend more time with friends.  And in HS, they socialize with their friends on weekends, have an enormous amount of homework, and their extracurriculars take a lot of time. You get time with your kid in snatches, they need carpooling until they can drive, but they are out of the house or otherwise occupied most of the time. I am looking 4 years in the future at an empty nest.  It happened so damn fast.

That’s why you need your own things too.  Even if you don’t find work plus kid stressful, your DH can’t be your whole world the way he was when you got married. And this will become more true as your child grows.  You need family time, and couple time, of course.  You also need other things in your life, or one day you will look up and everyone in your house will have interesting, fulfilling lives but you.

Your husband’s hobby is completely fair—-  if he makes it possible for you to take time for yourself too.  Agree with him that on one night a week when he takes over and you do a book club, go to the gym, take a class, etc.  everyone once and a while, go out on a Saturday for a few hours and meet a friend for coffe or forget a mani-pedi or go to the gym alone or go on a hike.  If you have to, go to Starbucks with a book or an iPad at first.

DH and I also travel separately every year. He takes a couple one 1-2 night weekend ski trips— although recently DD has started joining him.  I go somewhere warm for a long weekend in the winter with someone— a girlfriend, my sister, my mom.  But if no one is available, I go by myself, book a massage and take my kindle. It is wonderful.  I always come back feeling recharged and ready to tackle anything.   This winter, my SIL invited me on a week long cruise. I will be gone for 9 days. DH was like, oldest DC is driving, so I can manage here, and we have the money.  You do so much for the kids during the school year. Go and have an amazing time.  I love him so, so much for that. And down the road if he finds a week long something non-work related he wants to do— of course I will be okay with it. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics