Reply to How to explain to spouse how to be the bigger person withe anxious tween?

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Reply to "How to explain to spouse how to be the bigger person withe anxious tween?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you know yourself better than I do obviously but - just in case I'm right about this - reflect on the fact that on one hand you want your dh to work more effectively with your child and you can see how to do it but on the other hand your own anxiety may be pushing you to try to interfere and control his behavior in a way that is not helpful.

Speaking as an anxious mom (and well aware of it) of an anxious child whose dad has anxiety himself but is in denial.  I can't tell you what the best thing is to do but I can see myself wanting to interfere more than I should in order to control - which is my old go-to strategy when I feel anxious - get control.  That can backfire.

I hope you can get your husband more involved in learning about this but you may have to accept that you can't change him.  And that would mean letting go of attempts to control his behavior.  Don't know that that is what you are facing because I don't know you - but I throw that in there from my experience just for your consideration.[/quote]

Only the extent to which I feel the need to protect/defend my child (emotionally) from his overreactions/temper/unfair negative assumptions about DC's behavior.  It is counterproductive and also frustrating as well, because I feel like I've been moving mountains to get our child to a better place - his temper and outbursts create setbacks.  But he needs to hear it from someone else...I have admitted my own shortcomings to him and have even used the word "we" instead of "I" in attempts to make it feel less focused on him; have made gentle suggestions when it's not the heat of the moment and that seems to work best. [/quote]

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