Reply to Uneven allocation of estate between two adult children. Is my allocation fair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think you have to make it completely equal. I always tell my children fair isn’t always equal - it’s more about what each one needs. That said, I think you need to approach it in a different manner. If your estate is high value, I would make sure child with disabilities is set up with the support he/she needs and then see what is left and how to split it. The way you are doing it is out of spite. [/quote]

I don't agree with PP's first thought that fairness should be needs based, but I DO agree with her option to set aside money for the disability, then divide the other half equally.

OP, here is the rub.  You will be dead, but the siblings have to live with each other.  Never do anything that is going to make them feel "Parent loved YOU more than me" or "Sibling is such a greedy person, keeping what should be mine."

The reason I don't agree with the philosophy of PP (needs based) is that many times, that just creates a dependent child for life; if every time they have a problem and parent steps in with extra attention or extra money, you teach them to have a problem...a chronic problem.  I'm older now and my peer's generation of parents are dying off, and I have watched this play out with my peers who have siblings; it can destroy the sibling relationship.  Actually you don't even have to be dead to ruin the relationship; just start lavishing the loser kid with attention and money right now, and the successful kid will feel neglected and resentful.

However; if one child does need something medically, that's different--and something the other child can understand.  It depends on the learning disability.

We have one child who is more of a "taker" and one who is more of a "giver."  These kids are teens and it's way too early for us to see what they will be like as adults.  DH at times, when mad at the taker for her lack of consideration and her snark, talks to me about leaving her less.  But that would wreck the sisters' relationship and I'm sure the giver child would feel horrible and guilty besides.  So, just keeping it even.[/quote]

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