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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - you nailed it perfectly, if you are there for them, then you are the enemy.  The other siblings are clueless since they are not regular participants, and simply think your bitter. And you do resent your parents who at one time you looked up to and/or shared a good relationship with. I feel bad asking my siblings to come visit since my mother asks for them so often, she is bored with me, who comes regularly. Its a thankless job unless you count the feeling you get when you buried them, that you did your best.[/quote]

NP - I'm the distant sibling.  I'm not clueless, and I'm grateful for the local sibling who left her job to care for our aging parents.  Still, she can't help but be resentful that I can't do more, even though I have young children (hers are grown) and am a thousand miles away.  I understand her feelings, and she understands why I can't be there, but it is still tough, and no amount of encouragement or thanks can make her feelings go away.  When I do come, I try to give her a break, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, mostly because I don't know the routine, the medications, where the doctors are, etc.  And yes, the parents DO treat me like the prodigal son, but nobody can help that really.

OP, my story is now history, and my sibling now looks back on that experience (a decade later, parents now deceased) as the most rewarding and fulfilling experience of her life.  I'm honestly sometimes a little jealous.  Hang in there.  You will one day be grateful for having had the experience of being there for your parents when they needed you most.

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