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[quote=Anonymous]You have to work to set aside your judgments and just be fully present. When she’s talking, stop your mind from wandering off to solutions. Just listen and then do your best to paraphrase. With the example you gave, I might respond with, “It sounds like you’re really frustrated with dad not being able to follow through on tasks he’s promised to complete. That’s sounds really stressful.” If you’ve paraphrased it correctly, she’ll sign-off with an agreement. And if you got it wrong, it’s not a big deal. She’ll clarify. And if she wants you to help her solve it, she will ask. Trust that.

One of our most basic needs as a social creatures is to be acknowledged. We want to someone someone sees us and hears what we have to say. Readjust your purpose in speaking with your mom. Switch your role from problem solver to listener. Let go off any responsibility to fix her or her situation. It’s really hard to do. Maybe have a sticky note nearby when you speak with her with a reminder: “Paraphrase, not problem solve.” Or something that works for you. 
Hang in there. [/quote]

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