Reply to I’ve had it with the snide comments and moodiness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a DW, and sometimes I behave like this with my DH. Not nearly as bad, and he's not walking on eggshells, but when I'm really frustrated I get this mean sarcastic streak. I'm working on behaving better, and my DH is not easily riled up, but based on this, here is my advice.

When he says something like that, ask him, in an even voice, "Are you OK?" "You seem unusually bothered by this minor issue--are you feeling frustrated?"

The other thing is not to engage and not let him ruin your mood. Walk away, force yourself to pretend the snide comment wasn't heard, etc. Or laugh. When he says, why couldn't you wait to start eating, just say the food was calling your name, or something silly. Defuse the situation.

But yes, the underlying issue is that for whatever reason your DH is frustrated, and he is unable to articulate or to share with you his frustration, and this is the end result. [/quote]

In my practice, the ones who claim to be "walking on eggshells" have extremely poor communication skills as well as some other disorder. Due to their disorder they are trying to hide and not managing well, things pop up and they do everything in their power not to take responsibility for their shortcomings. Meanwhile, their average normal partner brings it up naturally and gets their head bit off and zero conflict resolution from the disorder partner.

The most effective way to resolve various layers of conflict is to NOT TAKE THE BAIT and start arguing, which is what the disorder partner wants (it detracts from the actual issue and shortcoming at fault). Instead, ask exactly what the PP said: You seem angry about something, would you like to talk about it?  
Or, You seem upset, what's up?[/quote]

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