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[quote=Anonymous]Guy here.  Your DH is threatened by Mike, I get it.  A bunch of thoughts / questions:

- How does Mike treat your DH?  My wife had a Mike when we were dating.  Almost the exact same situation as you; he loved her, she only liked him as a friend.  Her past BFs hated him, because he was always trying to get in her pants.  I figured I'd try to make friends, but he was an absolute dick to me, repeatedly, the first few times we met.  I told me wife I had tried, how I had been treated, and that I wanted nothing to do with this guy.  To her credit, she sat down with her Mike, told him this was the last straw, that she loved me, and then she cut off all contact.  He tried to apologize over the years but she never "took him back" as a friend.  This was 20 years ago.  I gained a lot of respect for my wife, and we've been married for 15 years now.

- Interestingly, my wife's former Mike was always heavy (although not obese), but got in incredible shape, and I see pictures on his FB page every few years (they are FB friends, but have had not contact beyond that) of him with beautiful women.  Not married, though.

- I'm suspicious of any platonic relationship where the woman and male talk via phone multiple times per week.  I have close female friends, but we don't do that.  Nor do we vacation together without spouses, as some people I know do.  As a guy, I wouldn't stand for that.  I have a close female friend who does that with her best friend (who is a guy).  They literally went to the Maldives for a week together.  I don't know how the DH puts up with it.  Before anyone asks, I know for a fact they are not sleeping together, but I also know the guy would in a heartbeat.

- Back to your DH being threatened, Mike is filling some of your needs that your DH should be.  I don't think it's an EA, but I would want to be both your lover and your BFF if I was your DH, and would be unhappy if you were only giving me 50% of that job.  I don't think you need to completely ghost Mike, but you need to drastically cut down the contact.  Maybe twice per month via phone.

- If you stay friends with Mike, don't ever let your guard down.  I promise you the first time you're mad at your husband about something and have had to much to drink, you'll find his hand on your leg or his arm around you.  I've had this happen as a guy, and it's a tough position to put yourself in.[/quote]

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