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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been on your friend’s side of this a few times.  I’m an MD-PhD that went down the research road, while my med school friends went down the medical practice road choosing some of the lucrative specialties.  It was all fine in our 20s and most of our 30s because 1-2 bedroom apartments are all largely similar.  Like you the cracks in the friendships started appearing in our 40s.  I still consider them my friends, but the friendships aren’t what they used to be, which I think is what’s likely happening to you too.

It’s not that they meant to be insulting, but after a few too many comments get made about – wow you really need to take a vacation, when was the last time you went away (because they shrug off “cheaper” vacations like hiking); or have you checked out the new Mercedes whatever model; or kids SHOULD go to private school; or I’d ONLY want to live in x towns, I don’t get why anyone wants to live in y towns (meanwhile I’ve taken out a 30 year mortgage in Y town), it’s hard not to take it personally.

It’s just who they’re around and how they’ve decided they want to live vs. how I’ve decided I want to live and they don’t get why I’d possibly live my way, when I have the same degrees as them and could be living their way.  At 40+ it gets old trying to explain and justify yourself so our friendships have become a summer BBQ, a holiday party, and maybe a college football game or two – the types of events where there's a crowd and you have casual conversation for 5 min over beers while engaging in some other event, rather than the kinds of friendships where you have dinner or drinks with someone and chat about life for 2 hours.[/quote]

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