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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I totally understand how you feel. I always think about the “what if’s” which I know isn’t productive but I still think about the path not taken.

My situation is a bit different... I had my first at 32 and he was a very challenging baby and toddler. Colic, extreme reflux, didn’t sleep. I was miserable from ages 0-3. He literally almost broke me (of course I love him more than anything - he was just very hard). DH and I couldn’t even think of having another until DS was 3, when a switch flipped and he became the most amazing, calm and happy little boy. We finally decided it was time to start trying and 3 years later we’ve had no luck. DS is 6 now and I think we are ready to throw in the towel.

My two regrets are:

1. Not trying sooner, like when he was 2, because yes it would have been even harder with 2 young kids but that would be better than not having a second at all. Plus going back to having a baby and a 7 year old does not seen that awesome to me.

2. The first RE I met with diagnosed me with DOR and told me not to waste time and just go to DE. We said no way but if I could do it over again we would have jumped in that right away.[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for sharing your situation--I can definitely relate!  My regret focuses on waiting too long to have #1, because I got pregnant right away the first time and maybe if I had had #1 a few years earlier then I could have had a second.  I never imagined that I would be diagnosed as "infertile" when I still had an infant under 12 months old!  That was definitely hard to learn.

I am not interested in DE personally, and would not have gone that route no matter what.  It appears I have implantation problems, so DE/donor embryo probably wouldn't have worked anyways.

I'm interested in how you have coped with the regret about not trying for a second sooner--how are you dealing with it?[/quote]

I wish the circumstances were different but I am trying to focus on the positives of just having one child. At this point we have so much freedom and flexibility to travel and enjoy life - we aren’t constrained by naps, diapers or strict schedules. We also have the financial resources to be able to let DS do a few different after school activities, go to summer camp, we are saving for his college, etc. We have a really great life and are lucky in many ways, and I am grateful for that.[/quote]

OP here.  Yes, I am also trying to do this.  Focusing on the positives and practicing gratitude.  It's hard though because I'm only of the few only child families at our school and most of my friends have 2-3 kids.  I feel very left behind while everyone else is moving on and growing their family and I cannot and it just makes me feel so sad/depressed that maybe this could have been avoided if only I had started TTC earlier.  Of course I will never know if that would have even helped but the fact that in 5 years I had zero pregnancies (while getting pregnant on the first try with my son) leads me to believe that I have some kind of sudden, severe reproductive issue that happened right after I gave birth.  While I was diagnosed with low AMH I went to several DOR specialists who told me that I do not have DOR but have unexplained secondary infertility.[/quote]

OP - If it makes you feel any better, many of my friends have 2-3 kids and I have 0. I started trying at 34 and am nearly 40 and still have 0. I also am very likely to develop cancer later in life due to these issues.

I am truly not trying to be snarky, but hope my story illustrates all that you do have to be grateful for despite your recent challenges.     [/quote]

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