Reply to Middle schooler who intentionally annoys his peers

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Middle schooler who intentionally annoys his peers"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stop talking about it so much.  "John, Lucas asked you not to call him that.  Stop it."  If he continues, you leave.  Period.  "You are being rude and unkind.  We're leaving."  And don't give it any more attention.  "We're not going to talk about it anymore.  You know what you did wrong."

At other times, you can talk about joking/teasing, about ways to be funny that don't annoy other people, etc.  But in the moment, just suck all the oxygen out.  Give him attention when he's being polite and behaving appropriately.  [/quote]

This.  And do it without any emotion or irritation.  Apologize (in front of your kid) to the parent and the other kid.  "Sorry, Larla, John shouldn't be calling Lucas names.  No one has to tolerate being called unkind names.  We've really enjoyed seeing you.  Maybe we can try again when Lucas is better able to control what he is saying."

It might sound harsh to end the activity, but you are demonstrating that there are consequences, even when a kid has difficulty complying.  I say this as the mom to an ADHD kid and family member to someone with bipolar depression (which causes inappropriate speech and behavior).  The person with the behavioral issue may not be intending to be hurtful or abusive, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the world has to tolerate the action/behavior.

I don't know how old DC is, but you need to have a non-judgemental conversation with him about why he is name-calling.  This has to occur at a time that is significantly distant from the event that you both can talk about it without judgment or emotion.  Does he dislike the playmate?  Does the playmate do something mean to him?  Can he just not stop himself from blurting it out?  Is there a kinder nickname he can use instead (but not OK if the kid only wants to be called Lucas).  Can he say "dude" or some other neutral substitute if he just can't stop himself from the rhyming?  Does he just not understand how it makes the other person feel?  Is he embarrassed when it slips out but doesn't know how to fix it, so he just tries to joke it off?

You need to understand the root cause of the behavior, if you want to reshape it.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics