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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think when you are as blunt as you were with your mom then you invariably set up a fight, which it sounds like you now have.  So my advice is to tone down the words in the future.  Why throw oil on the flames?

You should not ever put your children in a situation where there is a sexual predator because you may not be able to protect them.  However, for garden variety dysfunction, it can be helpful to expose your children in small doses so that they can have their own range of experiences and judgements.  If you have been doing a good job as a parent, and it sounds like you have, then they will be able to read the signals and develop their own assessment of their relatives, and it most likely will coincide with yours.  If you never expose them then you leave them open to being surprised one day by a relative or someone with similar patterns, and your kids may not have developed the skills to cope or repel the person.

I do question the wisdom of leaving your children with someone whom you feel did not protect you as a child.  Has your mother changed that much?  Or do you think that the situation is more controlled?  It seems odd.[/quote]

I agree with this. You did nothing wrong but it seems a little illogical to describe your parents who failed to protect you and are presumably connected to this dysfunctional family as somehow separate from it. Unless they also chose to distance themselves (which it sounds like is not the case since they want to go to this wedding), I have a hard time believing they totally have it together. But OP would be in a better position to judge that.[/quote]

I can see where you are coming from in questioning my mothers judgement. I do too. The cousin getting married is not one that I would lump in with the other crazy relatives. He just finished law school and has a nice fiancé. My mom was only looking at that. I however don’t want to take the chance that other relatives will appear and causes issues or do something inappropriate.[/quote]

Okay, that sounds logical.  I normally I would be inclined to take the kids if your estranged family members were just more typically dysfunctional, especially since you like this cousin, but you know your family best and it sounds like you're right to be concerned.

As an aside, you might want to even start talking about your family a little bit.  You don't have to make anyone sound scary (except the sexual predator and that one you be very clear that your kids should never be alone with him/her and tell you about any interaction) but you can say stuff like 'Aunt Larla is a nice person but she is an alcoholic.  That's a person who drinks too much alcohol and it makes her do/say crazy things.  We love her but not her behavior' or 'Cousin Laslo gets upset really easily and gets into a lot of fights so we just try to stay away from him and not get into any arguments' or whatever feels comfortable to you.  Again, forewarned is forearmed.  In this case, it is called pre-talk and it is something you can do with regular stuff (today we're going to have breakfast then go to the park then come back for naps before lunch...) as well as with stuff like family relationships [i]before[/i] you see the family members.[/quote]

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