Reply to DW had a panic attack, cancelled her plane ticket and is refusing to go on a planned holiday.

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Reply to "DW had a panic attack, cancelled her plane ticket and is refusing to go on a planned holiday. "

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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been where your wife is about vacations.  Truth is, I needed a very plausible excuse, something that was true but, of course, not the whole story.  In my case it was ski trips: I could plausibly claim I was afraid of injury but the whole story was that I didn’t want to be with him, didn’t want to be in a situation where sex would be expected.  I was no longer attracted to him and my anxiety was all about the marriage.  Your wife may not be like me whatsoever, but I think it is worth having a purely honest, no hurt feelings or judgments allowed, conversation with her.

Looking back (after divorce) I could have fallen back in love with him if I could have been honest about my feelings about him.  I wished we could have been celibate for a while and re-connected, I’m certain the attraction would have flourished.  He’s very sexually attractive to me now that the burden of his expectations and demands around sex has been removed.  However, in his case, he would never have agreed to drop the expectations.  He believed sex equaled intimacy.  I believed honesty, trust, laughter and affection equaled intimacy, followed by sex.  He couldn’t tolerate that complexity.  Divorce was inevitable.  [/quote]

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