Reply to Being cut off by a sibling and dealing with the estrangement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes as we grow and mature (and especially when we have kids), we start to recognize that the patterns in our childhood and young adulthood were not healthy.  It sounds like this happened with your sisters.

It also sounds like you see yourself as the perpetual victim, someone whose life was so much harder than theirs, someone who needed and continues to need more support.  And you relied on your sisters and your parents to provide that.  You clearly see them as not needed anything from you, and as having no reason to be jealous of you.  I can't be sure, but it's possible that you've always wanted support and attention from them, but been unwilling to offer that yourself, because you see yourself as the one most in need.  That dynamic can be exhausting and can really wear at a relationship over time.  So while there's no egregious, smoking-gun example of your selfishness and self-centeredness, it's finally reached a breaking point, and you didn't notice because you're used to not noticing your sisters' needs and wants.

Some of this is your parents' fault--parents playing favorites is never a good idea--but you are an adult and you have to take responsibility for your attitudes and choices.  [/quote]

Op here. I hear what you’re saying and I agree. I have acknowledged that my sisters wants and desires were probably ignored. But they never voiced them. I had no idea she had so many years of pent up resentments against me. She let me talk to her as if nothing was wrong for years until she blew up and cut me off. I was aloof and caught up in my life issues. She by all accounts has always thrived. Good health, good looks, did well in school, was always socially successful etc. My parents or I never had any reason to suspect she was hurting because she never made a stink.

By the time she did, she was too angry to sit down and explain.

I’m still flummoxed as to how I truly hurt her. From where I was standing, she had everything. I envied her. I wanted to impress her and be like her. I always thought she was better than me. I never went out of my way to hurt her. It’s like she just resented my existence. [/quote]

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