Reply to Would you consider this a red flag?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, yes they have one child together. I understand trying to be civil/mature for your child’s sake, but I do think the family vacations are too much.[/quote]

How recent and how often were the vacations? How long have they been divorced for? [/quote]

The last vacation was last summer and they have another planned for July. They’ve been divorced for three years, separated for two prior to the divorce.[/quote]

So, once a year?  That doesn't actually seem like a red flag.  And you're not a spouse or a fiancee, you're a girlfriend.  I wouldn't expect a parent to accord their boy/girlfriend the same level of importance as a spouse, and certainly nowhere near the importance of a child.  If your relationship gets more serious, then I would expect that things might naturally change, but if you barrel in and demand that he change something that he's doing for his kid's sake, you're asking for trouble.  [/quote]

The point isn't OP going along on the vacation ... it's that OP's girlfriend is going with her ex.  Maybe this is all fine and healthy, but MOST people would find it uncomfortable. So it's right to ask what it means.  My personal experience is that there are definitely people with unresolved issues post-divorce, who are still emotionally enmeshed with their exes.  They're perfectly happy to have girlfriends and boyfriends, but you'll never really get a commitment from them.  I had an ex who refused to even divorce his wife for years (he may actually be divorced now, not sure). His ex used to call him late at night when she was having panic attacks; he stayed at her house on visits (they lived out of state); he advised her closely with her on work projects (they were in the same field); etc. etc.  Of course it was legitimate that they chose to continue that degree of involvement, but it absolutely meant that I was wasting my time with him, since I was looking for a serious relationship that would lead to marriage.  [/quote]

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