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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Friends seem jealous and not happy for me"
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[quote=Anonymous]I think PPs talking about your friends being cautious / worried on your behalf are spot on. I very well might be...if my friend (and particularly one who had been through a horrific divorce not too long ago) was procalaiming herself "totally in love with" a guy she'd only known for 6 months and already becoming so accostumed to depending on the $$ perks he could provide that she was just assuming everyone is jealous...I'd have some alarm bells going off. Have you brought your friends around this guy? Have you made an effort to introduce them and have them spend time with him, and has he made an effort to get to know them? And here's an important one: if you're being truly brutally honest with yourself, have you "changed"? Are you putting on acts to fit into his world, or are you truly genuinely yourself around him? TBH at 6 months you're still in a major honeymoon phase of a relationship...everyone is on their best behavior and potential flaws or mismatches are still pretty easily disguised - or brushed off, in cases where you really want it to work so you're overlooking things that you shouldn't. That's what I'd worry about. One of my friends met and began dating a very wealthy guy at one point. He swept her off her feet and it very much seemed like a true Prince Charming situation initially - he whisked her away on awesome trips around the world within the first few months, and was talking about marriage not long thereafter. He showered her with lavish designer gifts. She leaped in, as did (it seemed) he...they had quite the glitzy time and, naturally, she started to envision what her future would look like - beautiful homes, awesome vacations, jewelry and clothes and fancy restaurants. She was never the materialistic type, at all...but she started changing in little ways. Nothing that made me not want to hang out with her or anything, just little comments that - to someone who had known for as long as I had - were so not her. It was surprising how quickly she immersed herself into his world and that lifestyle, and suddenly started caring about things she never had before. Looking back, I know that this stemmed from the fact that she was suddenly hanging out with people who had grown up in a whole different world, and she felt she had to try and change to fit in. And, speaking of that...she began hanging out with his friends and his family a LOT. They took constant precedence - he controlled the plans - there were definite expectations from his (v wealthy) family. I did meet him multiple times, but not near as much as I had her previous boyfriends, and our friends were *not* invited to things she did with him and his friends and their spouses. If she had ended up with him, I don't know that we would have stayed all that close - she was definitely swept up in that world and he dictated how they spent a lot of theme time (and even when she did hang out with us, it was often when he was having "boys' nights" - it was rare that he made the effort to spend time with her friends). As it happened, however...after about a year and a half of this whirlwind fairytale romance, the cracks began to show. He'd already taken her ring shopping...but then suddenly the talk of marriage stopped. He picked stupid fights, and his temper really began to show - he was used to having his way. Other issues arose, and long story short they broke up. She was DEVASTATED, and heartbroken, and is candid about the fact that in addition to missing him she had to mourn the "easy" financial life she'd envisioned for herself. It was really hard. As time went on, she began to reveal other little details that were definite red flags...they hadn't come up initially, and later once they had she hadn't wanted to confront them because she was so sure she had found the one. I don't know if any of this resonates, but I would just be cautious about the fact that at 6 months in you really are still getting to know someone. And if your (good) friends are acting concerned, I'm inclined to think it's because hey worry you're rushing in with rose colored glasses...or have seen little changes in you that make them think you are not yourself around him. For real, I am curious - how much time has he spent with your friends? [/quote]
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