Reply to women's invisible labor - anyone had luck getting spouse to take on more of the mental work?

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[quote=Anonymous]NP here. I think PP hit it on the head: you can't make someone want to perform a task they don't value. OP, Psychobabble or not, I agree it's a real phenomenon that women devote a ton of brain space to planning family life. But let's be honest, a lot of stuff we plan and worry about isn't strictly necessary. Doctors and school forms and camp research are all necessary, yes, but they can be achieved with relatively minimal effort. I got a referral from a friend for our ped and that was that. I actually kind of like planning parties and researching camps, but I keep parties simple and we only do one camp per summer. If you want more effort put into those things, to some extent it's fair you do them yourself.

In our marriage, my husband has taken charge of a big area, which is cooking, meal planning, and grocery shopping. This is because he really enjoys cooking and values good food. I on the other hand care very little, and therefore basically never go to the grocery store if I can help it, or meal plan, or cook. (I do make sure we always have a few basics just in case I'm stuck feeding the kids.)

I guess my point is that we found our niches based on what we value and what we enjoy, so that's probably where you should start with your own division of labor. It took us a long time to get here and plenty of conflict, but I think things are reasonably fair now. He's never going to do as much as I do, because he simply doesn't think of it and, if he did, wouldn't think it was that important (hello, holiday cards). I've gotten to be okay with that.[/quote]

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