Reply to How do you handle it when a parent unfairly criticizes your way of doing things at your own home?

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Reply to "How do you handle it when a parent unfairly criticizes your way of doing things at your own home?"

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[quote=Anonymous]It sounds to me that the issue isn't the yardwork, it's the criticism.

No one feels good when they feel like a loved one won't let them be who they are. No one feels good when they feel like a loved one is trying to control them. These are boundary violations. They usually lead to anger. You have choices as to what to do with that anger: turn in inwards and get depressed; express it outwardly inappropriately and risk alienating those close to you; or express it appropriately and use it as a motivating force to bring change to your life.

OP, don't let your mother suck you into her drama. Continue to do what you feel is best for you, whether it means following a certain housework schedule or dressing in a certain way. You can't make your mom accept it, as you can't control other people. Nor can you control your mother's smear campaign when she says snide things to other members of the family, unfortunately.

You can set a boundary around what you will and will not tolerate: "If you x, then I will y." It could be as simple as "Mom, if you criticize my clothing, I will leave the room." When it happens, silently, without a fuss go somewhere else and refuse to engage in a fight about it. It's not open for discussion, and you're not going to be a doormat when your mom gets a whim about something.

Therapy is a great way to work on setting boundaries. Usually there is a reason why we don't feel comfortable asking to be treated fairly and why we need practice doing so in a safe place. You might also like [i]The Boundaries Workbook[/i]; it has a religious bent that's not everyone's cup of tea (not mine), but if you can get past that, the information is helpful.  [/quote]

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