Reply to Friendly with ex husband but he comes into my home during drop off

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. My husband left me for someone else. Not sure that it matters but it hurts having him in my home. [/quote]

Sorry op, that sucks. What does he do when he comes in? Talk about the kids? Ask about You? Just stand there?[/quote]

He plays with our dog, makes small talk and hugs our kids goodbye. I have taken the high road but this is too much.[/quote]

Is he still with the other person? Sounds like he realized the grass isn't greener.  [/quote]

He is still with her but they don"t live together.

About two weeks ago he did bring me my favorite Thai dish after taking the kids out to dinner. [/quote]

Hmm,.maybe he is just trying to get along.

How long does he stay? If it's 5 mins or so go with it. If he is staying for 15 mins or more end it. Open the door, say have a good night/weekend, see when I drop the kids off, etc. [/quote]

+1 to the idea that maybe he sees this as trying to get along especially in front of the kids. OP, my best friend's husband left her suddenly and dropoffs at her house felt horrible to her, too. Her ex didn't try to come in but did seem to feel he should get out of the car and at least say hello to her face to face rather than stay in the car and drive off.  She said at first that it baffled her as he seemed uncomfortable but still did it and she realized he felt he should do that in front of their son to model that at least the adults could be civil. She did the same dropping off at his house though it was hard (and neither entered the other's house, I'm pretty sure). I agree with this PP above that five minutes at the door is different from 15 minutes and attempts at real conversation.

Though your kids are teens, they do still pay attention to whatever you and your ex model, much more than a young child would, really. I'm sorry the divorce is happening at a time when your kids are old enough that they are observing relationships in a more adult way. It's painful but if you can even fake civility at the door, that sends a better message than dad dropping and driving. It's not really about the kids needing an escort to the door.

If you don't want him coming inside (I wouldn't either, BTW), ask the kids to text you when they're 10 minutes away "just so I know you're nearly here" but really so you have a heads-up and can just happen to be outside playing with the dog when they pull up. That eliminates his coming to the door but means you don't have to be seen as wanting to close the door on him. When you can't do that, if he comes to the door, greet him, and then have something you/kids/both have to do right away: "Thanks for dropping off. Yes, Dog is really energetic today, isn't she. Sally has a test tomorrow and I need to run Billy to activity X, so --Ill bring them by as usual on Friday."[/quote]

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