Reply to MIL refuses to call DS the right name

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I assume this is not the first instance of her acting crazy-controlling, right?

I would limit interactions severely, on the grounds that it is emotional abuse to keep calling a child a name he doesn't want to be called.

Make sure FIL is welcome any time, since he's not the one calling your son names.[/quote]

DH pointed out, and I see his point, that it is cruel to make someone chose between their marriage and their child/grandchild.  FIL would probably choose his wife but would be very, very upset about it.  And then he and DS would significantly lose their close relationship. Plus we see the grandparents at siblings homes for holidays, birthdays, etc.  So I am not sure we can "limit interactions severely" without damaging relationships with other people.

MIL has made passive-aggressive comments here and there "Oh, roast beef again? Lovely." "I see you chose a bright green for the kitchen trim. How ... interesting." but this is the first time she's done something this big. [/quote]

Honestly, PA comments like that make me laugh.  The best play is to very cheerfully take them at face value.  "Oh, yes, we love roast beef!  I'm so glad you do, too!  I'll have to make it for you more often!"  or "Yes, isn't it pretty!  Such a cheerful color!  I'm glad to hear you like it, too!"

I wouldn't cut off contact--it's really not fair to your FIL.  Just continue what you're doing--ignore her when she calls your kid by the wrong name, and if she says anything, you just respond, "Theo didn't answer you because you called him by the wrong name again!  Silly Mary!  Hope it's not a sign of dementia!"  Or "There you go again, Mary, calling Theo by the wrong name!  Gosh, I hope you're not losing your memory already!"  Seriously, just act like it must be a sign of her getting old, and express chipper concern.

And tell your FIL that you really appreciate the fact that he's standing up for his grandson.     [/quote]

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