Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister had a closed adoption and the birth mother was adamant she didn't want to be contacted. My sister took the Ancestry DNA test and found close relatives like cousins and siblings. She's been messaging them and they are upset, have no knowledge of the birth and don't want her to contact them. An older woman told my sister she had no right to do this. She has no way to message the birth mother directly.

Any advice? I think since it was a closed adoption she should only message the birth mother and not the rest of the family. My parents think this woman has no right to privacy in 2018 and her entire family should know about her teenage birth and don't care about any consequences if her children or husband or parents find out. I see both sides. I feel for this woman who was a young teen when she had the baby and chose adoption over abortion under the condition that it was a closed adoption. And then I feel for my sister who wants a new family. [/quote]

The only thing that matters is that these people do not want your sister to contact them.  If the tables were turned and your sister didn't want to be contacted by her birth mother, would your sister agree that she had to have contact, that she had no right not to communicate with this person?  Or would she want to be left alone, as she expressly stated?

Your sister may want to meet this woman.  But this woman does not want to meet her.  This woman's family does not want to communicate with your sister.  She cannot make them accept her.  She cannot make them pass her message along to her birth mother.  I suppose if she really wants to, she can blow up this woman's life, but she's not going to get a new family out of it.

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