Reply to 13 yo & unauthorized charges on our credit card

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Reply to "13 yo & unauthorized charges on our credit card - WWYD?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before you totally over react about Fortnight use... your next 4 years will involve drinking, drugs and sex.

If you are overly harsh and emotional about this one, you will cut off communication channels when they really matter. Because Fortnight won't kill you ... the other 3 might. [/quote]

Disagree.

Because you're a permissive and spineless parent, your kids learn to not respect you, nor do they think consequences really follow from bad decisions.  [/quote]

No. Because [b]I have clear punishments without emotion[/b] nor do I connect their actions to my ego as a parent, they understand actions and consequences.

Their friend who have really strict insane parents that say such things as "I am embarrassed" "I can't even believe this after he had not made any mistakes lately" as if this is a landslide into prison life.

They will never turn to you for anything if $300 takes you to your knees. [/quote]

First, it's not about $300, it's about *stealing* $300.  Big difference and kind of dishonest of you to frame it that way.  You and I and I'm sure OP would drop $300 on our kid in a second for crap that we think they should have or need.  This is about stealing and lying - and no, this is not a "I accidentally overspent" scenario - he went and got the card, entered in the numbers, and THEN spent $300.

Second, parents are not machines.  It's quite disturbing that you think that behaving like a robot is the ideal way to parent.  Parents are human and should appropriately react in situations.  Finding out that your teenager stole from you is a cause for some emotion.

Now that you mention it, I find your "having clear punishments without emotion" to be kind of weird and disturbing.  Yikes.[/quote]

It doesn't matter if it is $300 or about stealing.

Pick a punishment, execute it, keep emotions out of it, move on.

If you can't control your emotions without being a robot, i suggest reading about mindfulness and meditation.

Your emotions are connect to your ego. Yes parents have egos, that is normal. Putting your ego on your kids is not normal it is toxic... again counseling and meditation can help you with that.

I find "punishing with emotion" toxic. Very toxic, probably narcissistic, possibly borderline personality disordered. [/quote]

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