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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He was in good shape when we met, and more importantly he liked being active. I don't expect some Adonis with a six pack, but he's not even 40 yet and has a big flabby stomach and manboobs. Try as I might, I just cannot find that attractive. He will sometimes go on bike rides with me if I push it, but that's about it. How can I encourage him to foster a healthy regular exercise routine? Is that just an impossible mission? I know he feels fat and doesn't like how he looks, but obviously "it bothers me" is as far as he gets. If I had to guess, his biggest holdup (aside from just laziness/complacency) would be that he's tired...but so am I. We're all tired...

The thing is, when we met he DID prioritize fitness. Staying active and healthy is a huge priority to me and it's something I actively looked for in a mate - I feel like I was duped. I hate to say it but we have a group beach trip coming up and I really am kind of embarrassed. The boobs are...not unnoticeable. [/quote]

My husband is in the same situation as yours plus a few years, and I will say that while the health concerns are definitely legitimate, it sounds like your issue is that you're not attracted to him and you're embarrassed by his weight. The former is understandable. The latter does not speak well of you. You married the person that he is. That you feel like you were duped says that you care more about the person that he looks like, rather than the person he is.

Imagine yourself sharing this post with your husband. How do you think he would feel? How do you think you would feel?[/quote]

Not at all. The health/lifestyle component is a big part of the person that he (anyone) is. Yes I am not attracted to how he looks, but what is even more worrisome/unattractive is that he is completely sedentary and unhealthy. If he was one of those guys you see out jogging regularly who is still overweight but getting a good sweat in, this wouldn't be an issue for me. I feel duped because when we met he presented himself as someone who prioritized being active and staying in shape, and now he doesn't even pretend to try or care. His body but moreover his attitude is a huge turnoff, and if you think I'm a bad lesson for that then...oh well.

Of COURSE he would feel hurt if I told him 'I hate that you are fat and lazy and have manboobs and have just given up on trying to be healthy'; that's why I'm talking about it here instead. [/quote]

See, I know that you think that's how you feel about it, but several things in your OP really stuck out that indicated the superficiality of your concerns. You are embarrassed to go on a beach vacation because of the way his body looks? Why is that? Why is that embarrassing to you? Do you think your friends will think less of you because your husband is fat?

As for "feeling duped", I think that it's probably the case that most people who are overweight do care about their health. I talk to my husband about this all the time. He is very concerned with his health, and that's actually his biggest worry about his body right now - that he will suffer some weight-related illness. Knowing that and fearing it doesn't make it easy to get motivated to lose weight. My husband has been very good about diet in the past but when he is depressed and demoralized, he relies on food. He snacks too much and he knows he snacks too much. We have tried not having snacks in the house. We have tried having portioned snacks available at all times. No approach works 100% of the time. It is a matter of motivation and discipline, both of which are hard to have if you are depressed and demoralized.

You know what doesn't help with depression and demoralization? A spouse who judges you about your weight.[/quote]

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