Reply to Ever lie to your spouse/family re business trips?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yeah, OP, I think you're getting a pretty unified opinion.  Most people are cool with what you're doing, but not the deception.  Personally, I see it as an ultra-slippery slope.  I think...

- You're enjoying the "me-time", but also getting off a little on the deception.

- If I were your husband, and I found out, I would immediately assume you were cheating on me.  It would be hard to convince me otherwise, even if you truly weren't.

- Eventually, if you continue, this is going to go one of two ways.  Either you'll get bored, your kids will get older, circumstances will change, and it just stops naturally.  OR, you tire of what you are doing currently, and amp-up the risk seeking behavior and deception, perhaps with someone you meet on one of the trips.  You're already deceiving your spouse, what's the harm in having dinner with someone you meet at one of these conferences?

Personally, I'm a guy who travels frequently for work.  My primary travel is short trips to large US population centers (NYC, Miami, Las Vegas, etc), and I do a couple of week long international trips a year (Europe, Middle East, Asia).  Some trips are internal business, some are client travel, some are conferences.

I love traveling, especially conferences and client travel, because I'm generally flying up front, staying in luxury hotels, and getting a lot of perks (fancy client dinners, concerts, sporting events, skiing, etc.).    It's definitely a massive perk of the job.  Wherever possible I invite my wife, and sometimes young daughter, to join me for part of the trip.  At least 2-3x a year I'm able to incorporate my wife into a trip.

When she's not with me, though, I still add time to enjoy wherever I am (similar to what you're doing).  I very occasionally get pushback, but 90% of the time it's not an issue.  My spouse knows I have a difficult job and I should enjoy the perks when I can.  I'm not going to fly all the way to Hong Kong and spend the whole trip working and never get to sightsee or shop.

I would never create a "fake" business trip, but I do travel often when I don't technically have to (ie. most of my travel is not strictly mandatory.  It's the right thing to do for my job and me personally, though.).

I say stop what you're doing, and going forward tell your husband you're adding on a personal day to your trips to enjoy yourself / relax.  If he loves you, he'll probably feel good you're enjoying yourself.  My wife has traveled extensively for her job, and I enjoy looking at the pictures of all the personal stuff she did and hearing her stories.  This can be a good thing for your relationship.[/quote]

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