Reply to So if you’re not in a “deep love” marriage...

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m the PP from the other thread that posted about experiencing this as a young adult. In my case I left. Not to find something, and not because of that...There were a LOT of things wrong in my marriage and I gave my all. DCUM would hands down vote him off the island.

When I was married, I reflected on that life experience, as just that - I had the gift of having touched a sacred love before. And that was it. I worked hard on myself to bring every beauty I could into our love and vision as husband and wife, even though we didn’t share the connection, I was determined to not compare, but be open to a path of joy that only the sacred vow of marriage could touch. There were really bright spots for us when we both operated with that vision.

Deep inner work can unconver a lot of structural damage. My marriage didn’t get out of construction phase, plans were abandoned. It was the better choice for me to leave, or risk exposures to elements that would threaten everything I worked to nurture in my life.

I decided I would rather spend my life being made whole alone, in gratitude, and fate guiding me into a sacredness I’m qualified to receive, than being half-full and looking for a temporary mask and promoting self-cageyness. Marriage requires you to at some point, agree or die. I could not come into agreement with dysfunctional systems of power, fear, and control.

I’ve had feelings grow, die, wax and wane. What changed was my attitude, then my circumstances. You can change how you view your environment. But you can’t change people. And some people just fit. Others don’t.

My history of love has taught me more than I could ever share here. The most relevant lesson to this thread would be my choice to magnify what’s beautiful, uproot what deceits, and plant what’s nourishes. And seeing a bloom for that work is guaranteed. If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll have someone you connect with joining you in the process along the way.

Don’t be sad. Your perception becomes your reality. There are tools available to grow an unbelievable connection. The supernatural chemistry I experienced can’t be  manufactured. But in my case, we both had to let go of our expectations for entitlement to that in our current seasons post-divorce. Maybe that will change one day, I haven’t let go of faith, but I’m also not misplacing my hope and trust in this process of life and the love that enters it.[/quote]

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