Reply to Imminent separation- will I ever feel "normal" again?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am going through this. I left an abusive marriage a year ago. I thought I would bounce back quickly, but it has been a long road to recovery. I promised myself I would be kind to myself for 2 more years. I now think it is going to take me 3 years to feel normal again. The ups and down cycle is lengthening out. [/quote]

(OP here) I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I suppose I should be grateful the marriage was not abusive, more simply that he doesn't love me anymore.

A year and still hard? Are you able to eat? I've dropped almost 10lb in 2 weeks. Does appetite come back? I'm 5'8 and now at 120, so not worried yet, but when will I be able to tolerate food again? I feel weak and tired all the time, which doesn't help.
[/quote]

That pp here.  I am not taking care of myself.  Eating out too much and drinking too much.  I go weeks without really being able to eat, but them seem to over-compensate.  I am not moving enough and I'm taking in too many calories.  I was really physically fit before this all happened, and I know that when I just get back to my even point, I will take off.

In my case, the abuse caused an anxiety disorder, and I haven't been able to eat much for this whole time.  I do and I don't.  When I can eat, I eat a lot more than I should.  It's made some food sensitivities awful.  I just never know what I can eat until I can or can't.  Every day is different from the last.

Don't worry about when you can eat.  You have to focus on moving forward and letting everything roll off you.  You can't care about when you can eat.  You're focusing on that, and that's creating a situation where you can't eat, because you're now stressed by another thing on top of everything else.  Just stop caring about your husband.  Stop caring about the food.  Stop caring.  Just focus on being happy and creating happy space for you.  If you have kids, let all the details slide, but focus on the big picture of you being happy.  If I don't have time to clean the apartment, I take DD to the park, to the mall and we eat out if I haven't had time to shop.  I don't sweat it.  Finding a new normal, and a new happy normal, will take a long time.

I watched my mother go through a similar divorce.  She was never the same.  We talked about that recently, as I'm struggling through my divorce.  I couldn't stay.  But leaving was also another beast to handle.

And don't focus on not eating.  Try eating things you can eat.  Focus on getting water down.  I get so dehydrated when I get like that.  I know it's hard to swallow, but if you forget food for a day or so and just focus on water, that will help.  Sometimes you just have to go for the bland foods.  Instead of not being able to eat, think of bland foods you could eat and just try them.  Pudding.  Ice cream.  Noodles with butter.

It's going to take longer than you think (hopefully not as long as I now set for me), but just stop caring.  Start focusing on how no matter what, you're going to be happy.  [/quote]
Are you seeing a therapist, PP?[/quote]

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