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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have you considered changing school? She sounds like a great kid who just needs to find her tribe of sweet, quirky kids. That is really hard to do in a small school. [/quote]

I disagree with this advice.  Nobody is being mean to her.  Nobody is picking on her.  If she's been with the same kids since kinder and is in 5th now, presumably she'll switch to middle school next year and be around a new crop of kids then.  She can certainly stick it out until next fall.  Changing schools should only be for very extreme situations.

OP, I suggest you tell her to keep working on herself and meanwhile make sure she's in after-school activities with other kids.  Religious school, dance, basketball, soccer, art, whatever.  [/quote]

[b]Another kid asking her to move so they can sit next to their friend is definitely mean.[/quote]

No it's not.  [/quote]

Agreed that as portrayed by OP, the request doesn't sound "mean".  For it to be mean, there would be a lot more to the intent and tone.  [/b]

Question, OP:  does your daughter receive any OT (occupational therapy) or counseling?  Those could be two good resources to help your daughter improve her social skills.

And while certainly you want to keep thinking about the other suggestions, too, like the lunch bunch but maybe you want to think about how you can help her develop her social skills.  Is she in scouts or does she do anything with your church or does she paly on any teams?  Do you do any volunteer activities where she could tag along and interact with other people?  I'm trying to brainstorm ideas so that she can practice skills and also increase her confidence in a way that will allow her to make overtures to these long-time classmates.  It can be really hard to break patterns of behavior (for the other kids as well as your daughter) so any ways that you can help her to see herself differently and present herself differently will help in that matter.

Good luck and hugs to your sweet daughter![/quote]

NP. Ok, so it's rude. When I join a group for lunch I don't ask the other adults to rearrange themselves so I can sit next to my friend. Both my kids attended a small private and this kind of behavior was not

tolerated. No saving seats, no asking other kids to move, no telling other kids they can't join in a game. They had no problem finding a way to hang out with their friends and they had no problem learning how to be polite and go with the flow in terms of hanging out with other kids. One was very popular, one was shy and quirky like OP's daughter. They were both shown respect by their classmates.

OP, I think part of the problem may be the school. It's fine for her to not have best friends at school. But she should feel included. Have you talked to the school? This may one just not be the right match?[/quote]

Agree. It doesn't like the school is building the social skills of any of the students. I have a girl who is very sweet and shy, she can also be very cliquey. I don't think that comes from a bad place (she just likes to be with people she feels most comfortable), but I work really hard to make sure that she is kind and welcoming to kids outside her circle, and it's as much for her benefit as for the other kids.  Learning to chat and be pleasant with a wide range of people is a basic skill everyone needs.  I would not be happy with her school if they were letting her exclude other kids.[/quote]

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