Reply to Vandalism plus lying about extent

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[quote=Anonymous]I'd start with a practical approach:

1. Start here by making him read this: http://humbrechtlaw.com/criminal-charges-in-virginia/virginia-vandalism-charges/

2. Whatever the criminal charge for these, he pays at home instead of jail. Help him understand the difference between a home sentence and jail sentence. Take him to the county jail, even ask a police offer to talk to your son and explain what it's like there. Don't go to Fairfax, go to DC. Make it stick! Cops will cooperate.

3. He will pay the criminal charges by working it off with the neighbor. Then he will be restitution by working it off with the neighbor, even if he's working every day (painting her house, yard word, washing car, groceries... anything).

4. Make a contract with the neighbor based on the criminal charges and restitution, have her sign it right away so she can't go back and say, "I've decided to press charges."  Show her that you mean business and your kid is not getting away with a crime. Show her he's being sentenced as the law would sentence him.

As for depression: That's a separate thing. You'll have to get him treated for that.

But for now, I think it would make your dh happy and you happy if you followed my advice. This makes your emotions about the incident separate from the crime. You're doing what a judge would do, and a judge doesn't react or show emotions regarding the crime. The sentence is dealt by law, and that's that. I think your son will accept this more over your dh shaming him or coming down hard on him, making up consequences that aren't appropriate, taking stuff away... none of that is going to make him a non-criminal, which is the whole point of a consequence.

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