Reply to My wife wants to present to the world that everything is perfect

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[quote=Anonymous]If this is how your wife generally operates, your daughter's therapist needs to know.

This is how my household operated growing up, and in addition to driving me to anorexia, it did a major number on my ability to have genuine relationships of any kind.

The message she is receiving is that what is most important is the image the world sees. This means that it doesn't matter how awful anyone is in the privacy of the home (in fact, that's where awfulness should live so as to make sure everyone is doing what they need to do to maintain the image). It also means you achieve that image by any means necessary, no matter how damaging it might be to you or your relationships. And finally, it means that her feelings/desires/interests don't matter if they don't fit the image.

You end up with someone who second-guesses every reaction she has to any situation, and eventually shuts out emotions in favor of anxiety. And then you get cutting.

It's a kind of perfectionism combined with a parenting problem.[/quote]

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