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Reply to "Newly diagnosed mental illness. Limit contact?"
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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's important to distinguish the illness from the behavior. While you are correct that some of the things making your mother feel unwell are outside of her control, she is still responsible for her behavior. Remember that many people who behave destructively have rationales and have themselves been treated poorly. They still know right from wrong, and they still have other options for self care and help rather than lashing out aggressively. It sounds like there is potential here for your mom to be emotionally or physically abusive, which can absolutely be traumatizing to your child and to you, even if there is no injury that needs to be treated. I would trust your instinct about your father too. He's chosen to live with your mom, and it is challenging for him to upset the status quo or to dwell on the possibility that things might be out of control. I understand the people who are saying that you should help to take care of your mom. This is a natural instinct that a lot, maybe most, of us have. However, know that you don't need to do anything out of obligation or guilt. When someone is deeply distressed and we are not the source of that distress, we can't fix it. Our presence and actions can temporarily soothe people, but they can't fix others' problems. We are the only people who can fix ourselves, sometimes with the help of long-term therapy.[/quote]
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