Reply to My fiance died recently in a car accident

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Reply to "My fiance died recently in a car accident"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I'm the PP who asked the questions, and thank you for not taking offense. It sounded like Africa to me, but all the other details you give (living with him 18+ months and talking to the hospital) do sound legitimate.

I'm really sorry OP. And I do think you can find counseling sooner than waiting 90 days, even if it isn't specifically "grief counseling." It sounds like you would benefit from it. [/quote]
Why did you think it sounded like Africa? I don't really see why you reached that conclusion as this could have been several other countries...

I wasn't really comfortable stating this country and your reply wasn't all that helpful given the information I just revealed. I do take offense to the repeated suggestion of "get counseling" -- obviously I know this is something I need. But I'm in a state of shock right now and the events that have happened since his death and basically being shut out from the family have not helped me at all in the process of grief. [/quote]

I'm sorry, what would have been a more helpful response? I tried to acknowledge that my concerns were off mark given that you lived with him for 18+ months, in country. I expressed condolences again, and then I encouraged you in the only support I could think of. I'm not sure why you're offended by the suggestions of counseling. It sounded like you wanted it but were denied because a counselor or organization said you needed to wait longer. My comment was only to suggest that the counselor/organization you talked to doesn't hold the key to the care and support you can get, you can find someone else who will absolutely let you start counseling sooner. But if you don't want to at this point, that's totally up to you - it just sounded like you wanted it but were blocked from it. It was intended to be encouraging.

What you are going through is trauma, and the way his family is treating you is awful, especially given you lived near them for so long! It's atrocious, and made harder by the fact that you can't participate in the normal mourning rituals. It sounds really hard, and I truly wish you the best in finding the support you need to cope and grieve. [/quote]

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